Is there a better way to give instructions to our children? Looking back in my life as a father of two teenage boys, I could easily recall the countless times I have unleashed harsh words. I easily reacted to situations without listening to my children’s reasons. Only recently have I come to realize the deep resentments of my children each time they heard the words, “be quiet,” in their formative years. With all good intentions in mind I often misused my parental authority.
“Be angry but do not sin.” (Eph 4:26) Fathers have the tendency to overreact, right? Notice how in Eph 6:4 God directed the command to fathers to refrain from provoking their children. It is in the fabric of our human nature to be angry at times, but there is a gentle caution that we ought to restrain ourselves from sinning. Though as parents we are responsible for the moral and intellectual formation of our children, we must do so in accordance with the gospel. God teaches us that we can nourish their souls with loving correction and Christian truth. We can use words that respect and uphold their dignity instead of being coercive and degrading. We are not to demean or dominate, instead to lead by example through gentleness. Do not be quick tempered when they make mistakes and compromises, but be present and provide sound counsel despite the circumstance. Be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” (Jas 1:19b) “For those who rule their temper are better than the conqueror of a city.” (Prov 16:32) Try to reflect and contemplate instead of rashly reacting to tense or provoking situations. Pause, pray, and ask the Holy Spirit for eloquence and meekness of character. Listen attentively to the deeper meaning of what our children are trying to express. So do not discourage children with unreasonable discipline or restraint (see Col 3:21). Do not stifle their free spirit by being too rigid and too controlling.
There is a better way and we find that in Jesus. Look no further for idols in society or in media. You only need to gaze at the cross to realize that only through sacrifice and dying to self can we begin to live and experience the joy of the gospel. Each time we avoid hostile dialogues with our children, it seems to me to be nothing short of a miracle.
There is a better way and we find that in Jesus. Look no further for idols in society or in media. You only need to gaze at the cross to realize that only through sacrifice and dying to self can we begin to live and experience the joy of the gospel. Each time we avoid hostile dialogues with our children, it seems to me to be nothing short of a miracle.